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Bean Bag Parenting and Ranting : Part 3

This is my state. I am bowled down by the googly of raising a child.
There is never a moment when I feel I am "man of the match". Never.
Will I be ever?
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I am learning each day or probably not learning enough, each day. And obviously, I need lots and lots, lots and lots of patience to sail through this unfathomable sea of parenting.

Won't just say motherhood.

It looks like I am a failure, every single time when my lil one don't reciprocate what I am trying to teach her. Be it anything, anything. She exactly goes in the wrong direction and do the "please-do-not-touch-it" thing with even more sheer vengeance.

Am I a less of woman, to not enjoy this tiresome experience of motherhood or its just like this. Or every one else too is riding wearing invisible cloaks in the same boat and facing its challenges.

But how does it matter, it doesn't make me feel any stronger. Like any other woman, I also want my kid to be raised with manner, etiquettes, prim and proper.

And, in future, we get to learn this either by our selves or in school or societal pressure. But I just can't keep myself off telling her what's right and wrong. And this this, thing, reinforcing good habits 24x7 makes me mad.
It's like you are been appointed in a vigilant patrol van as a driver despite having mediocre driving skill, no navigations skills and poor eyesight in day or night. And this driver is not paid, not allowed to take leaves, not allowed to talk openly how she wanted to become a pilot in future after a certain phase of learning because that would mean you are ambitious / career woman and inevitably imply - not a good mother. Also, this phase, that phase, its all myth - its never going to end. It's just there.
Motherhood is an extension of who I was earlier and what I will become in future. The plus point is the earlier you realize this and internalize in your life you can move forward, may not as fast as you wish to. But atleast you are moving.
Standing still drowns more people than not knowing how to swim. Is there any book or magic potion or tonic that I can drink and become a very very very patient mother who survives the art of gentle parenting without any ifs and buts.
Sinha Ji, hey hello ! Are you even listening?
God !
I thought this Lord's test match is over when media went berserk over Dhoni. Means, no inputs from him. I can even say I am queen Elizabeth and he would agree in nod.
Well, some bean bag ranting sessions are sort of one sided passionate monologue too. This was one of them. 

Go Find a Fish, You Cynical

If something goes smooth, fast, all well types, just as I wanted or idolized in my head before the start or perceived to be true - I start looking for a hidden fish, somewhere, something. I fail to accept its realization until it actually happens.

Too good to believe or just too perfect makes me uneasy or rather my mind starts poking my heart - "Hey, Dude ! listen I can smell the fish." And that pumping thumping heart says "Naah, anyways, I am a vegan. Though, I only drink blood"

Am I becoming cynical ? Can we mark it as my early signs of attaining maturity. Ladaki tej ho rahi hai, bhai !
Is it?

Or becoming a fallibilist brings more cheer and less of proving your point to XYZ.

Excuse me, my cheese garlic breads are ready. Don't know about fish but this cheesy gourmet is ready to get licked. Will continue next time.

PS : The term Cynical, originally derives from the ancient Greek philosophers, the Cynics, who rejected all conventions, whether of religion, manners, housing, dress, or decency, instead advocating the pursuit of virtue in accordance with a simple and idealistic way of life. Does it ring a bell now ?

Help Your Child Identify Sexual Abuse

Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read.

The tag of disability on a child or a woman who has undergone a sexual abuse as a reason to become soft target, give me chills down the spine. But it happens almost all the time. Why ? I am agitated to the core to rant about this issue due to the recent defamation of the six year old child, in the name of "special needs" to justify rape in the high end mainstream school premises.
In other words, the perpetrators of crime along with school endorse the view, that, a child with special needs is at much higher risk of such crimes. So, since their vulnerability is already high, the onus of misconduct lies more on the "mental status" of the child herself than the criminal.
I just fail to comprehend the illogic behind such stained notion?
Why is it that a sexual assault on a child with disability or having special needs is seen as a lesser crime? Special needs or none, child sexual abuse in itself is a heinous crime. As a society, community, parent, school, teacher its our duty to safeguard a child despite their ability to communicate. A neglected or unnoticed case of child sexual abuse irrespective of his or her special needs, is putting a child at a greater risk of similar incidences in future and empowering the paedophile.

To avoid this, teach your child with an acronym HELPING. Tell them the signs where they need to ask for help and share with parents.
HELPING things, which we can do to safeguard safety of  our children are:
H - Hug and Hoot : Teach the child that if someone hugs them again and again, they have to hoot or shout at loud voice. They have to come back home and tell mummy or papa.
E - Environment Friendly: In your absence, inform neighbours, security or a trusted friend to take care of kid. Always cross check information about care givers.
L - Love Making Scenes: We don't always control what we are watching on TV and what kids are learning from it. But if the situation is unavoidable, use it as an opportunity to educate them. Like how too much of kissing, putting hands in neck, tummy, thighs are part of bad touch and should be reported.
P - Pledge Patience : Take a pledge with your kids in a fun game to talk and share daily as to what happened at their school and in turn share your routine at office or home. Lend a patient ear to all what they have to say, without the fear of being punished or scolded for sharing mischievous acts. 
I  - In Between Legs/Chest/Bums: Don't wait for such incidents to occur to take a cue and talk about sex education to your kid. Make it a casual activity to teach the child about warning signs of bad touch - in between legs, chest, bums, lips. Make a routine, not a one time "keep your mouth shut" activity.
N - Neutral Response: As a parent we tend to set certain notions in our kids minds, unknowingly. One of them is sex. Please make sure when the child shares any gory details about themselves or someone in their circle, maintain a calm and don't shut the child up.
G - Genitals Name and Privacy: Don't settle toddlers for cute names for private parts. As soon as they start talking, teach them the right terms including undergarments. Take help of their toys to name them and during bath time. Also teach them how no one should remove clothes of their doll, teddy bear and from their own body.

We  can’t always accompany our kids everywhere they go, no matter how much we want to. What we can do is to empower our kids with the right information and instil the confidence in them to come to us with their doubts and fears.

On 23rd of every month, I write on disability theme for Parent Edge Magazine.

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