Bean Bag Parenting and Ranting : Part 3

This is my state. I am bowled down by the googly of raising a child.
There is never a moment when I feel I am "man of the match". Never.
Will I be ever?
Read Sequel Posts:

I am learning each day or probably not learning enough, each day. And obviously, I need lots and lots, lots and lots of patience to sail through this unfathomable sea of parenting.

Won't just say motherhood.

It looks like I am a failure, every single time when my lil one don't reciprocate what I am trying to teach her. Be it anything, anything. She exactly goes in the wrong direction and do the "please-do-not-touch-it" thing with even more sheer vengeance.


Go Find a Fish, You Cynical

If something goes smooth, fast, all well types, just as I wanted or idolized in my head before the start or perceived to be true - I start looking for a hidden fish, somewhere, something. I fail to accept its realization until it actually happens.

Too good to believe or just too perfect makes me uneasy or rather my mind starts poking my heart - "Hey, Dude ! listen I can smell the fish." And that pumping thumping heart says "Naah, anyways, I am a vegan. Though, I only drink blood"

Am I becoming cynical ? Can we mark it as my early signs of attaining maturity. Ladaki tej ho rahi hai, bhai !
Is it?

Or becoming a fallibilist brings more cheer and less of proving your point to XYZ.

Excuse me, my cheese garlic breads are ready. Don't know about fish but this cheesy gourmet is ready to get licked. Will continue next time.

PS : The term Cynical, originally derives from the ancient Greek philosophers, the Cynics, who rejected all conventions, whether of religion, manners, housing, dress, or decency, instead advocating the pursuit of virtue in accordance with a simple and idealistic way of life. Does it ring a bell now ?


Help Your Child Identify Sexual Abuse

Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read.

The tag of disability on a child or a woman who has undergone a sexual abuse as a reason to become soft target, give me chills down the spine. But it happens almost all the time. Why ? I am agitated to the core to rant about this issue due to the recent defamation of the six year old child, in the name of "special needs" to justify rape in the high end mainstream school premises.
In other words, the perpetrators of crime along with school endorse the view, that, a child with special needs is at much higher risk of such crimes. So, since their vulnerability is already high, the onus of misconduct lies more on the "mental status" of the child herself than the criminal.
I just fail to comprehend the illogic behind such stained notion?
Why is it that a sexual assault on a child with disability or having special needs is seen as a lesser crime? Special needs or none, child sexual abuse in itself is a heinous crime. As a society, community, parent, school, teacher its our duty to safeguard a child despite their ability to communicate. A neglected or unnoticed case of child sexual abuse irrespective of his or her special needs, is putting a child at a greater risk of similar incidences in future and empowering the paedophile.

To avoid this, teach your child with an acronym HELPING. Tell them the signs where they need to ask for help and share with parents.
HELPING things, which we can do to safeguard safety of  our children are:
H - Hug and Hoot : Teach the child that if someone hugs them again and again, they have to hoot or shout at loud voice. They have to come back home and tell mummy or papa.
E - Environment Friendly: In your absence, inform neighbours, security or a trusted friend to take care of kid. Always cross check information about care givers.
L - Love Making Scenes: We don't always control what we are watching on TV and what kids are learning from it. But if the situation is unavoidable, use it as an opportunity to educate them. Like how too much of kissing, putting hands in neck, tummy, thighs are part of bad touch and should be reported.
P - Pledge Patience : Take a pledge with your kids in a fun game to talk and share daily as to what happened at their school and in turn share your routine at office or home. Lend a patient ear to all what they have to say, without the fear of being punished or scolded for sharing mischievous acts. 
I  - In Between Legs/Chest/Bums: Don't wait for such incidents to occur to take a cue and talk about sex education to your kid. Make it a casual activity to teach the child about warning signs of bad touch - in between legs, chest, bums, lips. Make a routine, not a one time "keep your mouth shut" activity.
N - Neutral Response: As a parent we tend to set certain notions in our kids minds, unknowingly. One of them is sex. Please make sure when the child shares any gory details about themselves or someone in their circle, maintain a calm and don't shut the child up.
G - Genitals Name and Privacy: Don't settle toddlers for cute names for private parts. As soon as they start talking, teach them the right terms including undergarments. Take help of their toys to name them and during bath time. Also teach them how no one should remove clothes of their doll, teddy bear and from their own body.

We  can’t always accompany our kids everywhere they go, no matter how much we want to. What we can do is to empower our kids with the right information and instil the confidence in them to come to us with their doubts and fears.

On 23rd of every month, I write on disability theme for Parent Edge Magazine.

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In the Cab with Shri Shri Shri Bon Jovi Ji

Gori hai kalaaiyaan,Tu laade mujhe haari haari chudiyaan...
Apana Banaale Mujhe Baalama, Gori Hai Kalaayiya

Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Prada, dancing on this song from the movie Aaj Ka Arjun, i distinctly remember. We used have a VCR at home and all the thakeli or super-duper hit movie cassettes used to come home as soon as they are available, to watch in leisure rather an obsessive compulsive disorder. I was just 8-9 years, when classic Aashiqui, Saajan, Dil Hai Ki Maanta Nahi, Maine Pyaar Kiya, Bees Saal Baad (horror) made impressions on my mind or set the romance standards so high. Ironically, sinha ji too watched those movies when he was 10 but sadly couldn't learn much. 

Those days VCR weren't that common, so in first screening we used to watch it,  then with mummy's friends over tea parties, then with our cousins (just a small pack of 10) over weekends since we used to stay in township and then during some family get togethers - where we will brush up our dialogues and songs again . That's how seriously bollywood business was taken in our house. In school, during recess i used to narrate or mimic scenes to my KV friends. Specially the scene from Bees Saal Baad, where Dimple Kapadia ke haath bahut bahut lambe ho jaate (kanun se bhi lambe) to reach Mithun.

Why i am thinking about all this sitting in the cab?

I am going for this interview, which is very important for me to crack. And this cabbie is listening to this song, Gori Hain Kalaaiyaan

Very unusual. 

If its early morning airport pick up, South Indian cabbies stick to Venkateswara Suprabhatam (a morning prayer for Tirupati) or vedic shloka chantings. Or the lazy ones just tune into FM bhajans. Only, when their filmi savaari ask them to play some peppy numbers they switch stations. But looks like this one is truly a bollywood fan, has his own playlist of 90s hindi songs. I am impressed. Tip to banati hai. 

Though, in my head the song i am yearning to listen is "It's My Life" from the universal Lord Shri Shri Shri Bon Jovi Ji. I don't have any of his bhajans or Nirvana's preaching or any song, in my phone. Most of my life turning decisions have been supported by this song. Either before or after. It's always playing in my mind. 

So, either I should tune into FM or listen to the next in his playlist. 

And the next torture is "Mat Roo Mere Dil, Chup Ho Jaa; Jo Hua So Hua" . I feel like hitting my forehead on the window pane or his on the steering. How do i tell him, "Abey tu mujhe discourage kar raha hai yaar" ! Even before the interview. Now, i desperately want to pay a homage to Jovi Ji. Let me search FM Indigo again - only station to play angrezi stuff. 

No no no. No luck.

I swear, interview main kuch jhol hua to HR wala yehi gana gayega mere liye.

After 35 mins.

Better stand tall when they're calling you out 
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down..

Thakk Thakk Thakk...

It's my life 
And it's now or never 
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever 
I just want to live while I'm alive

Yes, yes. Finally. The consistent fidgeting on FM payed its due. 
So, the lesson from this episode is what PC said. 


Twisted Ankle

Hey, good morning.

I have got an injury. I am happy about it and so its here. I have finally got a sports injury, a twisted ankle. Don't know what is it, but i walked upto Roarky happily and told him, see, i have finally got this as a proof to boast how seriously i take my marathons and its by product - a flat tummy. To tell you the truth, i got volini on day 1 itself. But i didn't bother to smell it, as if its a vine.

Today, precisely after six days, i could feel that may be the swelling is gone, but the pain has drifted to calf muscles. Hey, may be my Achilles Tendons are streched or at the verge of grade 1 tearing. Oh, the glam word of sports - Ligament Tear :0 Is it really, that ? Or its just my craving to get associated with such names to talk about. hahah. Please somebody go tell this stupid girl to just shut up. 

On my friend, SB, if i would have told her this, her reaction would be, "Just Shhhhhuttt Upppp Yaar !" Its amazing how with this four word sentence she playfully manages to respond on all the queries of the world - love, pain, anger, anxiety, whatever. Anything you dole on her, she will give this universal remedy only followed by a wild wild laughter. I told her, someday i will die people will tell you calling and you will still say the same thing, damned.

I don't run for my health, i do it to embrace fresh fresh morning each single day. The real tweets of birds not the untimely hollow impulsive pressing of social networking. The chill in the wind, the smell of optimism. Nature has so much in itself to teach us, provided we take out some time to go close. 


नानी ओ नानी, सुनो मेरी कहानी / Nani O Nani, Suno Meri Kahani

When wife's parents visit during SALE SALE SALE, the husband is not happy specifically or generally, whichever ways. All they could see is wrong timing and a big credit card bill. Because now they have to match the standards of their father-in-law, be it managing chores, shopping, traveling, knowledge about finance, share market, current affairs etc etc.

On top of that, a shopaholic wife and mother-in-law !
Inspired from one such extravagant evening to a mall, dedicating this poem on behalf of my daughter to her Naani and plight of a husband, father and son-in-law under pressure.

Sanvi's first hand bag, gifted by her Naani when
she was just 4 months, March 2013.
नानी ओ नानी
सुनो मेरी कहानी

यह जो आपकी है ना, बिटिया पुरानी
खुद को समझे बड़ी सयानी
लो, कल का ही किस्सा सुनती हूँ
फिर मत कहना, ख़ामख़ा मैं गप्पे लड़ाती हूँ

आपने मन की सयानी
सुबह पढ़  रही थी, पेज ३ के इश्तिहार
पढ़ के हो गई एकदम क्रेजी
बिलकुल रेडी जाने को तैयार

फटाफटी बना लिया शौपिंग का प्लान
बोली डैडी जी को कर लीजिये ना आज
वर्क फ्रॉम होम
बाहर जाने का हो रहा है बहुतै मन


Mind Over Heart or Otherwise ?

Buddha in our living room, hopefully drilling some sense in me.
Gifted by D on Grihpravesh. 
The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. When i read this quote from Howard Roark i mean Ayn Rand, i feel so powerful. So determined to go and get it - my goal. 

But what is my goal ? 

The saintly people on earth says, the ultimate goal of life is to find peace within. To attain objectivity, yet do a thing with 100 percent commitment or subjectivity.

I guess, it means, if you are successful - don't let it sit on your head or swell with pride or arrogance or prohibit exhibition and expression of any of those superlative superiority complex traits.

Similarly, if you fail, accept it calmly; with the fact that, you never wanted it in first place or it wasn't as vital for your survival as you thought and move on or try again. Become objective to the feeling of dejection, depression, losing. Let your mind deal with "You" as a third person without letting the heart interfere. Don't let both meet often, because you will be in a fix when chances of win-win situation for both parties are dim.


Skype Shissskype Interview

First interaction with FB
Just concluded an interview on Skype. Not a big deal. How about having Sanvi sitting in my lap listening to the HR queries.

For me, it was first time. I wish, its the last time too with her and i get hired :P

She fidgeted with some of her luxurious toys, that i always snatch away from her, like coins, pens, diary, bangles etc. And look at the smart girl, she smelled the fish and was looking at my face when i was lovingly doling these things on her. 

I don't know, but, i really want to go get back to job - enough of motherhood. I hate dealing with day to day house maids issue, kab aayi, kab gayi, der se kyun aayi, slab kaun saaf karega, kitni chutti chahiye. I would rather settle for same old traffic buggers, appraisal issues and office politics. Becoming a full time housewife is just so so difficult and a lot more challenging than resuming work after 12 months of break.


Selfie Ready ?

The fashion police had raided The Sinhas wardrobe and gave some ehhh looks. But I told, listen, we don't have a Sarojini by our side to go jump and shop buckets full of trendy export surplus at dirt price. All we have is a commercial street which is far far away from my place and i would rather wait for SALE SALE SALE instead of letting poon poon pee pee traffic robe my peace of mind. 

Sorry, selfie removed.

Technology please spare us.