Showing posts with label Being Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Being Mom. Show all posts

29/11/2014

What's Your Parenting Style ?

Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read.

Last weekend I happen to attend a session on "Effective Parenting" by Dr Brunda Amrutraj - Clinical Psychologist, organized by Infosys for their employees and spouse. By all means, a productive employee needs to have a peaceful balanced personal life too, specially a full time working mother.

Initially, I was reluctant to attend this session as my needs are 'not special' after all and as a women I ought to know how to raise a child, atleast this is what society expects at the outset. But as we entered the auditorium seeing its full capacity I felt a little better as a women and far better as a  parent. Or was it an instant empathy drawn after seeing fellow victims of parenthood marred by nuclear family structure with aspiration to balance kids on the scale of career. 

Image Courtesy: www.parentfurther.com 
The ice-breaking question was inviting enough to break the silence of audience. "Why is it that parenting is really a big deal, now a days ? There are blogs, classes, counselling sessions, depression, stress all associated with parenting? Isin't the most ancient nurturing bond that comes to us instinctively"?  All of us said all sort of things, which were complementing to an extent but "overload" of information was zeored on as the main culprit adding stress in parenting. The overload of information and the constant quest of it to fix the problem, without actually going in depth of it.

Parenting is an art and skill.

10/08/2014

Note from Working Mother - I am Choosing Faith Over Fear

Only one of the ducklings has to board on my back - Is it Faith or Fear ? 
If you ask me, what motherhood has taught me? I will say, patience and patience. I think, it can be counted as a strength, provided i learn it properly to use at my disposal killing anxieties, uncertainties. 

On the other hand, it has made me vulnerable. I count it as a weakness as well as threat. Its as much internal as external. Internal for the fears, residing in my subconscious. External, for the factors which are out of my control. I am no God to control each variable and its intensity. I am a human being. All our lives, we learn to navigate through called and uncalled for situations in our life - to survive. In the process, we know ourselves, know others, face success, failure, break down, become resilient, happy, unhappy, blank. 

All of it.

27/07/2014

Bean Bag Parenting and Ranting : Part 3


This is my state. I am bowled down by the googly of raising a child.
There is never a moment when I feel I am "man of the match". Never.
Will I be ever?
Read Sequel Posts:

I am learning each day or probably not learning enough, each day. And obviously, I need lots and lots, lots and lots of patience to sail through this unfathomable sea of parenting.

Won't just say motherhood.

It looks like I am a failure, every single time when my lil one don't reciprocate what I am trying to teach her. Be it anything, anything. She exactly goes in the wrong direction and do the "please-do-not-touch-it" thing with even more sheer vengeance.

22/07/2014

Help Your Child Identify Sexual Abuse

Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read.

The tag of disability on a child or a woman who has undergone a sexual abuse as a reason to become soft target, give me chills down the spine. But it happens almost all the time. Why ? I am agitated to the core to rant about this issue due to the recent defamation of the six year old child, in the name of "special needs" to justify rape in the high end mainstream school premises.
In other words, the perpetrators of crime along with school endorse the view, that, a child with special needs is at much higher risk of such crimes. So, since their vulnerability is already high, the onus of misconduct lies more on the "mental status" of the child herself than the criminal.
I just fail to comprehend the illogic behind such stained notion?
Why is it that a sexual assault on a child with disability or having special needs is seen as a lesser crime? Special needs or none, child sexual abuse in itself is a heinous crime. As a society, community, parent, school, teacher its our duty to safeguard a child despite their ability to communicate. A neglected or unnoticed case of child sexual abuse irrespective of his or her special needs, is putting a child at a greater risk of similar incidences in future and empowering the paedophile.

To avoid this, teach your child with an acronym HELPING. Tell them the signs where they need to ask for help and share with parents.
HELPING things, which we can do to safeguard safety of  our children are:
H - Hug and Hoot : Teach the child that if someone hugs them again and again, they have to hoot or shout at loud voice. They have to come back home and tell mummy or papa.
E - Environment Friendly: In your absence, inform neighbours, security or a trusted friend to take care of kid. Always cross check information about care givers.
L - Love Making Scenes: We don't always control what we are watching on TV and what kids are learning from it. But if the situation is unavoidable, use it as an opportunity to educate them. Like how too much of kissing, putting hands in neck, tummy, thighs are part of bad touch and should be reported.
P - Pledge Patience : Take a pledge with your kids in a fun game to talk and share daily as to what happened at their school and in turn share your routine at office or home. Lend a patient ear to all what they have to say, without the fear of being punished or scolded for sharing mischievous acts. 
I  - In Between Legs/Chest/Bums: Don't wait for such incidents to occur to take a cue and talk about sex education to your kid. Make it a casual activity to teach the child about warning signs of bad touch - in between legs, chest, bums, lips. Make a routine, not a one time "keep your mouth shut" activity.
N - Neutral Response: As a parent we tend to set certain notions in our kids minds, unknowingly. One of them is sex. Please make sure when the child shares any gory details about themselves or someone in their circle, maintain a calm and don't shut the child up.
G - Genitals Name and Privacy: Don't settle toddlers for cute names for private parts. As soon as they start talking, teach them the right terms including undergarments. Take help of their toys to name them and during bath time. Also teach them how no one should remove clothes of their doll, teddy bear and from their own body.

We  can’t always accompany our kids everywhere they go, no matter how much we want to. What we can do is to empower our kids with the right information and instil the confidence in them to come to us with their doubts and fears.

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On 23rd of every month, I write on disability theme for Parent Edge Magazine.

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Related Articles:

  

10/07/2014

Skype Shissskype Interview

First interaction with FB
Just concluded an interview on Skype. Not a big deal. How about having Sanvi sitting in my lap listening to the HR queries.

For me, it was first time. I wish, its the last time too with her and i get hired :P

She fidgeted with some of her luxurious toys, that i always snatch away from her, like coins, pens, diary, bangles etc. And look at the smart girl, she smelled the fish and was looking at my face when i was lovingly doling these things on her. 

I don't know, but, i really want to go get back to job - enough of motherhood. I hate dealing with day to day house maids issue, kab aayi, kab gayi, der se kyun aayi, slab kaun saaf karega, kitni chutti chahiye. I would rather settle for same old traffic buggers, appraisal issues and office politics. Becoming a full time housewife is just so so difficult and a lot more challenging than resuming work after 12 months of break.

29/06/2014

Traveling with Toddler - Part 1

The cute active kid beats the @#$% out of her mother. I swear !
Is that the pamper money saver pack peeping out :(

So far, I have enjoyed the status of a high flier which my previous jobs offered me. I have always taken pride in mentioning the number of airports I have been to, nationally. Status messages like "living out of the suitcase", "weekend in this city", "3 days there" or describing local delicacies or shopping list used to adorn my facebook wall, once upon a time. 

But this one flight, that, I took on the date known to me, changed everything, I used to love about airports. Reason was my co-passenger, who didn't leave a chance to remind me how helpless I am. In public, she refused to identify or expose any sort of association with me - her mother !

The first place to say garcia is the airport loo. As soon as i used to reach there, will go straight to the most cleanest area on earth talking about BIAL (worst is Kolkatta), to look civilized , tightly braided french plait and kohl. Remember BIAL is only 50kms from my place, which means if you are going for a meeting to Delhi at 10, you have to catch a flight at 6 am - So, the cab pick up is at 3:45. And if you are person of hygiene you will wake up at 3 to drag yourself out of bed and take a bath. BTW deo and elaichi, center fresh too have done remarkably well in  the past, if you over slept or never slept. 

When we were just two of us, i used to tell Sinha Ji, why waste 3 hours to sleep, lets catch up a movie or have a night out. Being a "born employee" first, father/son later, followed by a brother, friend, good citizen, a Bihari, a good tax payer, all other relations in between and at last my husband, he never accorded to my wishes, obviously. This sequence is true and this is how he prioritizes his life. 

Coming back to this post. The moment we are done with check-in and security checks and collected my hand bag which have reduced to a sling bag from tote.

Looks like my daughter has woke up, alas !

To be continued...


22/04/2014

19. Strike Up a Conversation with PWD : Without Feeling Awkward



Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read.

Disability sensitization is a subject, close to my heart. Therefore, i am posting my article written in Feb for ParentEdge Magazine. Hope you will share it to increase awareness. Thanks. 

More often than not, parents get uncomfortable with queries raised by their kids after seeing children with special needs (CWSN) or persons with disabilities (PWD). To chide away such questions and settle for instructions like "don't look there" or "come here" are some of the common responses parents choose instead of making an attempt to educate them with facts and right information, may be little later. 

28/02/2014

Bean Bag Parenting & Ranting - Part 1

I am done with these oldies. You guys indulge.
zzzzZzZzZzzzz
We usually spend quality time on weekends, late nights when our bundle is tucked warmly in the quilt. He with his drink, i with mine discuss the weekly happenings and how we survived or manipulated or laughed or made fool of our selves. Off late, these discussions have become the only me time we get to spend with each other and share our sob stories about how much we crave for our previous lifestyle. 

The talks start with us claded in our respective tees & checkered boxer shorts (should be declared as national hassle free best dress) thrown deliberately on bean bag, HP and Toshiba romancing with each other lying carelessly over deewan and newspaper /magazines all over the living room...

"You remember we went to Church gate that night. ..... Pause....Hunhh?"

11/02/2014

Are Winners a Different Breed ?



The question asked by India Today #Conclave 14 Contest *  is what winning means to me ? 

At this juncture of my life, winning for me is to raise my daughter - our future generation with an ingrained belief that she is not a mimeSome of my reflections are penned down below.

The present holds the key to a brighter future .
Taken in Mathura, Feb 2013

04/02/2014

दादी बाबा तुम जल्दी आना / Dadi Baba Tum Jaldi Aana

आज से एक साल पहले
१६  फ़रवरी , २०१३ : मेरी और दादी बाबा की पहली रेल यात्रा,
राजधानी ट्रैन से दिल्ली। फिर वहाँ से मथुरा -पटना -दिल्ली-बैंगलोर हवाई । 
#Toddlers Tuesday


दादी तुम क्यूँ चली गई वापस अपने घर
मुझे यों अकेला छोड़ कर
सोना सोना करके गूंजता था इस घर का आँगन
अब सन्नाटे से फिर भर जायेगा ये अपार्टमेंट

अब कौन करेगा संग मेरे हंसी ठिठोली
कौन संवारेगा मेरे बाल और खेलेगा आँख मिचोली
कौन करेगा मेरे गुड्डे गुड़िया का ब्याह
अब किसकी ऐनक लेकर घुटने चल चली जाऊं मैं

कौन बैठेगा घंटो मुझे तकता हुआ
चाहें भोर हो या लगा हो रैन बसेरा
कौन बतायेगा दिनचर्या मेरी अब पापा को
फिर कौन कहेगा हो गई रात , अब रानी बेटी तू सो


दादी बाबा बस तुम्हारे ही बहाने ,

22/01/2014

Disability and Parenthood : Refute or Salute?


Diversity makes us interesting and attractive,
else we wouldn't be any better than eggs in a crate - lookalikes, pale and boring !
You choose, who you are.
Published in Parent Edge
Published in ParentEdge Magazine, click here to read

This post salutes to the anonymous woman and her journey so far, whom I happened to meet two months ago.

It was a foggy winter afternoon in Delhi, the flight was delayed, and so my little girl and I cruised towards the baby care lounge.  Our companion was a women in her late 20s perched in the corner seat reading some magazine. I was caught up in the drill of feeding cerelac to a teething toddler, so in a hurry we exchanged a few words. After this, back to our own worlds.

To freshen up , she dabbed on her make up and walked out with aplomb and a smile mutely saying good bye – with her baby bump (probably second trimester) and a polio-impaired leg.

Having gone through the overwhelming experience of being first time mother, she left me with question marks hovering over my head. I couldn't help but over think about the equation between disability and motherhood. Like how uncomfortable it must be for her to travel in this condition all by herself and a pair of crutches, will she be alright ?

01/01/2014

Confession 2013 : Ahoy Motherhood - Nothing Less Than Truth


This is not a book review.
Personal experiences of a first time mother.
Year end is a time for confession and making resolutions to yourself and your loved ones. In 2013, I was either on maternity leave or extended break with little office work (jotting experiences), but I swear there was not a single day when I haven't missed the presence of a boss. Probably, cabaret* befits the dance form, which I  did on the tunes of my daughter (now 14 mnths), sometimes out of rejoice or out of compulsion.

*Cabaret is a wholesome entertainment involving music, comedy, song, dance, recitation or drama.

So, my confession is about beating baby blues, managing the unexpected, unheard and address the constant battle between my mind and heart over becoming a mother every single day. Asking questions to myself in leisure, was it the right time for me to become a mother and if it surely was a part of the plan, why i am finding it so difficult now.  

29/09/2013

Perfume Range for Kids...Really ?

On weekend, we visited this P for plush and E for expensive toy store, more out of my curiosity to explore what's there inside. On exit, I knew this deserves a rant.

19/08/2013

Deaf Mamma Turns Geek



A just born infant is akin to a newly assembled computer worked upon diligently for 9 months. So, technically, the delivered product is good to see and touch, can be collectively called hardware. Software, on the other hand, refers to the instructions, or programs, that tell the hardware what to do. Oblivious of this fact, the delighted couple is nothing but happy looking at the brightness of LCD monitor (read fairness/weight of the baby) for several days, weeks and months until its in a hibernation mode (first 3-6 months).